In November 1998, Young Sayaxang Lee (37) fatally shot his wife, Maichao Vang (28), and also shot and killed himself. The oldest daughter (11) discovered her mother’s body in the bedroom of their home and called 911. Police discovered Young’s body in the basement.
In 2006, Joanne Khang (25) was stabbed to death by her husband, Kou Khang (30). Kou also stabbed himself to death.
In Weston, WI, Chor Xiong (39) shot and killed his estranged wife, Padalina Thao (29) and critically wounded her boyfriend, Pao Chang (41) on September 14, 2006. Padalina was staying at a women’s shelter in Wausau. Chor laid in wait in the basement for Padalina and her boyfriend to pick the children up at 7am and shot them when they arrived.
On August 20, 2007, May Yang (31) moved to Fresno, CA to escape her abusive common law husband, Ker Vang (41). Ker traveled from MN to Fresno, tracked down his wife, and fatally shot her and himself in front of family members.
Around the same time, Chor Thao killed his pregnant wife, Pa Houa. Chor later stabbed himself to death after being chased by police.
In 2008, Ying Moua (33) fatally shot his wife, Bouavanh Moua (32), their 2-year-old twins, and wounding their 3-year-old daughter, then turned the gun on himself.
In 2009, Dang Xiong (24) shot and killed his wife, Pa Hou Vang (22), outside their home around 11 pm. He, then, shot and killed himself.
In August of this year, Jenny Moua (22) was shot to death in Merced, CA. Her ex-fiance fled the scene to Fresno, informed a family member of what he did, and fatally shot himself.
The Hmong community credits murder-suicides to adultery, when wives cheat and leave their husbands for their boyfriends. In July of 2009, the late and former Major General Vang Pao was invited as the keynote speaker to address domestic violence (DV) in Wausau, WI. This was the efforts of Hmong social service groups in WI, MN, and CA after a string of murder-suicides were committed in the Hmong community in 2008 and early 2009.
Although I know that Vang Pao’s message meant well, there were a lot of it that shouldn’t have been said. He stated that the number one reason why the Hmong can’t support each other and live peacefully (in regards to domestic violence; Hmoob toxj kev tsis txhawb nqa thiab txoj kev tsis sib haum xeeb) is because of adultery.
He goes on talking about how Hmong women in the US don’t care for traditions and do whatever they please despite what the clans say. Vang Pao stated that when the Hmong were still in Laos, they had their own laws, and this—women doing whatever they please, adultery, murder-suicides, DV—didn’t happen. Now that the Hmong are in the US, the idea of freedom changes us. According to him, the US legal system is very different from the Hmong traditional ways, and takes the women’s sides most of the time. Vang Pao stated that a woman can report sexual assault by her husband and he’ll be jailed. (FYI: In the state of California, it is a felony for anyone to sexually assault their spouse. PC 262).
The part of his speech that offended me the most was when Vang Pao stated that a man is very possessive of his wife. Even a male fly cannot land on his wife without invoking the jealous wrath inside of him. Women have to know that their husbands are controlling and possessive in this way, so they shouldn’t do anything to provoke him. If a man worries about his wife wandering off, he should not allow her to work and just stay at home.
When someone as respected and honored as Vang Pao stands in front of the Hmong community and tells them that victims of DV should know that their husbands are possessive and jealous and for them to not provoke their husbands in any way, he is telling them that it’s their fault if they’re abused. I may have misconstrued what Vang Pao said, but that was the message implied. I respect Vang Pao for his efforts to put an end to DV in the Hmong community. Why, in early 2010, Vang Pao helped with the funeral arrangements of DV victim Mai See Chang when her husband’s family would not give her a funeral. On November 28, 2009, Mai See died mysteriously right before her husband was set to go to trial for DV charges. Mai See was a DV client at Valley Crisis Center in Merced, CA.
Domestic violence is the underlying cause of murders and murder-suicides in intimate partnership. It is the last and most extreme form of abuse and power and control: If I can’t have you, no one will. A woman’s danger level increases drastically when she leaves her abuser. Men are more likely to kill than any other time in their abusive relationships when they know their partners are leaving or have left. This is because when a woman leaves, he no longer has control over her. In order to maintain control, the abuser resorts to extreme measures: taking away the children, escalated physical abuse, or—as a last resort—murders or murder-suicides.
Many people, including the Hmong, don’t see it this way. Yes, some women cheat on their husbands. Yes, some women leave their husbands for their lovers. I don’t condone these actions. However, the actions of the wives do not give the Hmong men any right or excuse to harm or kill their partners. (Back in Laos, it was very acceptable to “punish” your wife in this way). And most of the time, the reason why the men would resort to such resolution is when there is already domestic violence in the home.
All of the murder-suicides mentioned are examples of extreme cases of domestic violence. It is clear that each couple had a history of DV, even if it wasn’t openly stated by reporters. ”Domestic discord” that plagued the family. They loved each other, but “turmoil plagued the marriage.” Suspect making “terrorist threats” to the victim. Sugar-coating or glossing over domestic violence does not do justice to the victims, their families, or survivors of DV.
It’s unfortunate that DV would catch the Hmong community and its leaders’ attention only after so many women were killed by their husbands or partners. Yet, this is the reality. To many cultures—especially the Hmong—it is not considered DV until there are bruises or someone dies.
Disclaimer: Women can and do abuse, but statistics have shown that men abuse more than women. That is the reason why the language in this post is gender-specific to men as the abusers. Additionally, domestic violence can happen in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships and marriages. Although homosexuality exists in the Hmong, it is still very taboo. Hmong marriage dynamics are set up for only heterosexuality with very specific gender roles—the wife serves the husband. And because traditional Hmong culture revolves around heterosexuality and procreation, I will only be focusing on heterosexual Hmong couples.
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Filed under: Domestic violence, Feminism, Hmong Tagged: | Domestic violence, domestic violence awareness month, DV, Feminism, General Vang Pao, Hmong, Hmoob, homicide-suicide, intimate partner, murder-suicides, october
GVP’s mindset is just like my uncle’s. He is one of the elders and community leaders of the Yang clan in the Twin Cities, in the St. Paul area, and they bring cases to the older L** F***** and the newer H**** K*** Y** X*** organizations for arbitration and counsel all the time (I had to mask the organization’s names, because I know they don’t like when I speak the truth about them, especially the latter — they’ll probably file libel lawsuits). I’m hopeful that the next generation will take a different approach to domestic issues and make progress on these issues.
Ten years ago, I happened to be visiting to help an elder relative with a divorce case involving an adulterating, self-confessed wife and her self-confessed, adulterating lover. Apparently, this happens all the time in Minnesota, or so they say? While the lover faced fines and had to pay restitution to his own wife, the adulterating woman got off free and even won penalties against the husband. That confused the heck out of me, but I learned later that the H**** K*** Y** X*** arbitration team had several sympathetic and aligned clansfolk on the woman’s side. Fortunately, no murder suicide resulted from this, but I came out of that experience realizing that the existing leadership lacks the ethics, insight, and true leadership to make the right decisions. Every day decisions are made by elders whom are biased, heavy handed, and corrupt. They’ve been conditioned to perpetuate the status quo, to line their pockets, or to act in the interests of their own clan lines. Women facing domestic violence or worse have wildly varying success depending on whom all is participating in the community counseling or arbitration process.
Oddly, though, my uncle pulled me aside during a private drive with just him and me in the vehicle and lectured me about handling Hmong community law, or as he put it: “kev coj plaub”. He told me point blank not to be like him, my father, or any of the elders. He stressed that the old guard’s time was nearing its end and the new generation would need to rise up and make amends to all their mistakes. He told me we needed to be different, be open minded, and fight for equality. He specifically asked me to move away from the tit-for-tat clan feuding that has gone on for as long as ethnic memory serves us (I’ll write a blog late on the history of feuding… it was a Han Chinese thing that was done to Hmong/Miao to disunite us). I think he knew that even what they were doing, what they’ve been doing the last thirty years, was wrong, but that the existing community needed, even expected, the elders and leaders to handle community law in this manner. This is the way they, the leaders and the populace, were raised and taught and this is the way they will die, he said plainly. He was hoping I would take on a junior leadership role and move to Minnesota, but I declined after seeing all the corruption. I couldn’t cope with working with this much bias and corruption.
It’s my hope that someday, educated young Hmong men and women with political experience will rise up and take the rein from the old guard. Until then, we just need to bring awareness to the victims and outside observers to see the warning signs and take proactive actions to prevent domestic violence or murder suicides. The victims need to know that the Hmong community, the L** F*****, and the H**** K*** Y** X*** organizations are not the only answers — you can always seek outside help from the police, social services, or other non-profit organizations.
Thanks for your article! Keep up the good work.
Thank you for the information. I am not a fan of Hmong politics. In my opinion, it is worse than American politics.
I’m just saddened and astounded by the influence of the clan leadership….
Maybe you ought write a book one day.
Really, having a few very close, trusted friends outside the Hmong locals, is important in such situations.
Writing a book is one of my goals in life. ^__^
And you are correct. Having a support system outside of the Hmong community really does make a huge difference.
[...] and give them protocols as to how to deal with victims of DV. This conference was the result of Vang Pao’s efforts in putting a stop to DV in the Hmong community in 2009. From what I’ve heard and read, the [...]
Jenny Moua was a wonderful and loving person..For 6 years she put up with the abuse and everytime she left him she always went back and just like every typical Hmong family the elders told her to go back and to deal with it and being the good Hmong girl that she was, she did until she had enough and finally left him…The last 5 months before he murdered her she finally did move on and he knew she wasn’t coming back.. And so if he couldn’t have her no one else could too..We are still so sad and devasted by this tragedy..I have so much anger towards his family and the elders because to me they were the ones that cause this.. They all knew his mother, his father, brothers, sisters, grandparents, everyone knew he was depressed and dangerous when she left him and still no one cared, no one helped.. For once in my life I was ashamed to be Hmong and to know these people..I was ashamed of the Political Hmong members who came to her candlelight vigil and made it about them instead of her..they knew nothing about her but as long as they got some air time it was ok..I am sick and tired of the Hmong men who says one thing in front of the world but do another at home..General Vang Pao may have been a great general but to me he was a hypocritic who had too many wives and too many children…I don’t hear anything about any of his children having the success as he did so in my eyes he wasn’t really a great man because a great man would want his children to be so much bigger and better then they are and apparently his children aren’t…RIP Jenny we love and miss you everyday
I did not know Jenny’s history, but I do know that the day she was killed, she had made plans to get a restraining order against him. She was ready to move on, and unfortunately, he didn’t want that. Although I didn’t know her, I was very saddened when I read about her death in the newspaper that morning. No one should die the way she, or any other victims for that matter, did. Many times, people question why a woman stays in an abusive relationship. Like I stated in my blog, fear is the number one reason. Fear that this would happen to yourself, your family, or friends. Jenny was not the first woman to die by the hands of her abuser, and unfortunately, neither will she be the last. And because he killed himself, in my opinion, justice will never be served. He took the easy way out.
You forgot to mention Gram’s relatives who shot his wife and six children and turned the gun on himself. The oldest, the only one to survived (jumped out of the bed or bathroom window.) before his father could shot him. It happened in the 90′s.
I know there are many more Hmong murder suicides, but I wanted stories I could post a link to. But thanks for reminding me. I completely forgot about that.
I’m devasted to hear these stories of the Hmong people. I’ve also have a personal story. It was of my in-laws. The husband has been cheating for years behind the wife’s back until their 6 children grew up to be of legal age. It was just a year ago (2010) when the wife discovered what he was really doing. In all those years, he’s been keeping it on a down-low, but once in a while, he’ll give her clues as to what he was planning to do. All she thought was a hoax until a year ago. That’s when everything started to show.
He would verbally abuse her, sometimes I would hear. In the past I’ve heard he was physically abusive, but I did not see it during my time there. To make a long story short, one night, they had an argument and he pulled out the shot gun and load it. Their youngest daughter who is at the time (18) was still living with them was in her room clueless when her mother ran in there. The wife hastily explained what’s happened and they were pretty shakened up. They even called the oldest brother, who lived over a hill from them, and let him know. Outside the door, the husband was yelling and threatening them to come out so he could just ‘talk’ to them. But who knows what he has in mind at the state of how he is at that moment. So the wife and daughter climbed out of the window and ran to the oldest brother’s home. They told him everything of what’s going on and spent the night there. When the husband went to work, they went back to their house and grabbed whatever they needed. They eventually ended up getting everything from the house.
After all this happen, the wife consulted with the eldest and they’ve helped her as much as they can, but without any consent from the husband, they couldn’t really do anything. Also during that time, she also reported her husband and just released a restraining order. Once she has that protective order, she was a little relieved. The husband didn’t go to jail for the sake of her kids. So he still lingers around and pretty much stalk her. She was a strong women and still fighting for her rights and is filing a divorce. Til today, she still lives.
I admire my mother-in-law so much for she is such a strong woman.
For other Hmong women out there, you should not hesitate to report your husband if they pull a gun out on you as a threat or not. Who really cares for the Hmong tradition. This is America, and if you still wants to live for your kids or any purpose at all,, it’s a matter of life or death. No one deserve to be in that kind of situation at all.
Thank you for sharing this. Your mother-in-law is a strong woman. And I do agree with you. You have to do what you have to do to stay safe, and sometimes, that means disregarding your cultural traditions.